Hiding from my work, from colleagues, from the people I seek to serve.
Feels safe, nestled in my soft comforter.
It's been a tough year. I get that. And the place I am going is scary. I get that. And I am alone. I get that.
The problem is that I don't feel better when I hide. I know I am hiding. Not being the person I want to be in the world. I let myself down. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of not being good enough. Feeling like an impostor, I start to become an impostor. The answer is to be generous enough to leave the safety of my comforter. To do it, not for me, but for others, for the wild animals, or for the planet. I can make many excuses about being just a very small person, but it is worse when I give up.
What if I can accept the need to shelter from the storm around me for awhile, and know that at a predetermined time I will leave safety behind and take the scary steps into my unknown future? I can return to safe harbors as needed. Maybe it is going out and back, out and back, as a child wading into the ocean. Once the crashing waves become too much, she runs back to the safety of the shoreline. Then after a time, she ventures back out into the water... toward adventure, and the unknown treasures of the deep, the beautiful creatures and plants, the living waters.